Thank you 2018, Next!

 

       2018 was a rollercoaster of a year! When I sit and reflect I realize that this year was quite long because A LOT of things happened. This year I became bolder, more confident, self-assured, vocal, discerning, resilient, tougher, more mature (well to an extent because the petty in me cannot go away so easily). I learnt more about my weaknesses and strengths and how to harness them for good, put myself first more often, put myself out there more, met some amazing people, strengthened some old bonds, became more appreciative of the people I have in my life. I also learnt a lot of lessons some of which I decided to share below:

1. Open your mouth and talk because:
i. Closed mouths don’t get fed
      Anything you want in this life, open your mouth and ask for it boldly. The same way you will not be able to eat if you mouth is closed is the same way many things won’t come your way unless you open your mouth and ask for them talk to someone, make enquiries, ASKKKKKKK. Even the bible says “Ask and you shall be given”-Matt 7:7. Jesus did not say “stay silent and hope your desires will be magically granted”. It is better for you to hear a “NO” than to always wonder what the answer would have been. At least if you hear a no from someone, you move on quicker and migrate to where you can get whatever it is you’re looking for. Open your mouth and ASK for things my beloved!
   

ii. “If you’re silent about your pain, they’ll kill you and say you enjoyed it”-Zora Neale Hurston
      People will easily walk over you and continue to hurt you with the excuse that you were silent, whether they know deep down their deeds are wrong or not. So my dear, open your mouth and cry out, else people will do all sorts of crazy things to you (knowingly or unknowingly) and justify it by saying you never complained, and THEY WILL BE RIGHT. Sometimes people don’t know when they hurt you by their words/ actions, other times they may take advantage of the fact that you don’t complain much. Whatever it is, I assure you that it’s best to cry out so as to bring their attention to it/ put a stop to it. Let people know you are not someone to walk over as they please!

iii. If you don’t let it off your chest, you’ll never be able to breathe
       Whatever feelings you’re holding in your heart, let it out, no matter how hard it is. Be more confrontational, if people offend you, let them know. If people make you happy, let them know. If you’re overwhelmed/ burdened, find someone to confide in. Let things off your chest so you can breathe easier. It might not be easy at first especially when it’s negative emotions but subsequently, you tend to feel better after expressing yourself and even if you don’t, you’ll at least feel the relief of getting weight of fyour chest.


2. Being calm all the time is overrated, learn how to scatter everywhere and fuck things up at times.
            I had to teach myself to be angrier at things this year, visibly angry at that. People will continue to take advantage of you and walk over you because you are calm and they know you will take whatever they dish. By the time you display some madness once or twice for people, they will learn how to respect you and even if they don’t, they’ll avoid looking for your trouble out of fear of your reaction.

3. Damned if you do, damned if you don’t.      

     People in this life will ALWAYS find a fault in everything you do and we (subconsciously) do that to others as well, that’s how we humans are. Sit down, consider your well-being, be more selfish, ask yourself what will make you happy and do exactly just that. Don’t inconvenience yourself for people (well this isn’t absolute), don’t stay in situations that are detrimental to you because you want to make people happy, stop trying to please people. You’re going to be condemned either ways so why not be condemned for doing something that makes you happy? At least that way you’ll have more peace. YOU CANNOT PLEASE EVERYBODY. Even Jesus had people who condemned Him and wanted Him crucified, what makes you feel you’re more special than Jesus?

4. Be careful who you seek validation from
      I’d say stop seeking validation from people but that’s quite impossible as we’re human. This is actually my favorite lesson from this year. Up until a few months back, I never really understood what it meant to seek validation from people but the day I found out, I had to re-examine my life. I found out I was doing things just to get certain people to acknowledge me, praise me, commend me and it was very wrong. Seeking validation from the wrong person(s) will take you down a very dark and twisted path as you will most likely never get it and even when you do, it won’t be as gratifying as you thought because you’d have expended all your energy seeking it.
     Learn how to love yourself, accept yourself, edify yourself. Seek validation first from yourself and then from people who you know genuinely care about your wellbeing. Stop looking for people to acknowledge you, acknowledge yourself. If nobody celebrates you, celebrate yourself!

5. About 3 years ago, I came across a quote by Ralph Waldo Emerson that says: “In my walks, each man I meet is my superior in some way and in that I learn from him”. This year, I decided to be more intentional about learning from the people I let in my life and I learnt A LOT. Some positives that I chose to emulate and some negatives that I made a conscious note to never let myself become. If you want to become better at anything at all, surround yourself with people who have progressed in that field. You might feel intimidated at first but subsequently you’ll be grateful you did as you will subconsciously pick up their habits. Don’t look down on anybody, every single person in this world has a thing or two to teach you if you’re willing to observe them carefully.

6. Stop trying to prove yourself to people.

     Instead of focusing on the few people that don’t see you for who you are why not direct your energy at those who actually do? The energy you use to try to prove yourself to people who misunderstand you, use it to appreciate the people who don’t and make them feel special for being in your life.


7. Protect your energy and protect your space.
     Learn how to get rid of whatever doesn’t bring you peace and good vibes (most of the time). Like my friend will say “cut out the tumor before it becomes malignant”. Negative energy is like a tumor, and if you entertain even the slightest bit of it, it will continue to grow and spread into every aspect of your life just like cancer. Why not stop it before it gets the chance? Search deep, find out the root of whatever is giving you discomfort and uproot it.

       

8. “If you sit in shit too long, it stops stinking”
            A lot of times we don’t realize how dysfunctional things are/were until we receive some fresh air. When you first get into a toxic environment, your body becomes uncomfortable as it’s trying to warn you to get out of there. If you resist the urge from deep within and stay there, you’ll get more used to the environment and start to see it as normal. Pay attention to your instincts, if something doesn’t feel right GET OUT OF THERE. Pay attention to the force trying to pull you out of it so you don’t get used to toxicity and start seeing dysfunction as normal.

9. Chaque chose en son temps
      That’s the title of a French novel I read sometime in secondary school and the name stuck with me ever since. It loosely translates to “Every thing in its time”. This year really taught me that God brings things to your life only when He knows you are ready for it. And if certain things aren’t going well for you at some point, it might be because it’s not yet your season. No matter how hard you pray for something, if it’s not God’s designated time for it, you will not get it. And when you eventually do, it will come to you easily, you won’t have to fight for it. Focus on other things and grow, God might just be preparing so you’ll be fully equipped to handle the blessings He has prepared for you. It may turn out way better than you imagined.


10. The turtle only makes progress when its neck sticks out
       Growth begins outside your comfort zone. If you want to progress in anything at all, you have to be willing to discomfort yourself, stick your neck out. Also, the more you stick your neck out, the more opportunities you see around and you’ll automatically begin to want better for yourself. You will not move far in life if you remain stuck in your shell, push yourself out!


11. One bad chapter doesn’t signify the end of the book
       If you’re reading a book and you stumble across a chapter that isn’t generally good, won’t you move on to find what’s in the next? Same with life, why dwell on a negative chapter in your life when you can move on to the next which could be way more beautiful than you imagined? I’ve come to understand that life is in phases and you’ll do yourself a great disservice by dwelling on a particular phase. Actively seek to move on to the next, that’s how you grow!

12. I haven’t quite learnt this fully but I’m trying to teach myself to be less judgemental, more objective and more empathetic when analyzing situations. We tend to see life in black and white when it comes to others but when it comes to ourselves, we give ourselves the privilege of existing in many colors.

           In all, this year had some really low lows and some really high highs but for the most part, it was a good year, especially the last few months. I’m happy and grateful to God for all He taught me, for guiding me through. This year could have gone way worse than it did. A lot of things happened, there was a period where I just felt numb and I lost the zeal to do anything. I just kept floating through, hoping to not have a meltdown as I had absolutely no idea what else to do, but somehow God was always near. I’ve now come to appreciate those dark moments I went through this year because I’ve come to learn that God was trying to teach me and prepare me for my next phase. The learning process was quite painful and discomforting but it was totally worth it (well for the most part, lool). I made some mistakes, actually a lot of mistakes but I’ve tried my best to pick my lessons out of them.
       
             
        Come 2019, I hope to take more active steps in shaping the kind of life I want to live, I want to put myself out there some more, overcome my fears, I want to be more intentional in the way I live my life and love the people dear to me, I want to learn how to make those dear to me feel more appreciated, I want to foster connections with people that can elevate me and help me grow as a person and I also want to be kinder to people. Above all I DO NOT want to make the same mistakes I made this year/ experience some of the things I did ABEG (considering the fact that this prayer can go both ways, I’m praying for a shift in the positive direction).
       How was 2018 for You? Sit back and reflect, pick out your lessons. Feel free to share in the comment section below. Ciao!